This winter, the short days and long, dark nights felt at first like a luxury, like a warm blanket to curl up in and enjoy the turn inward. On cue with Candlemas or Imbolc, which is the halfway point between winter solstice and spring equinox and the first hint to start waking up for spring, I notice a restlessness starting; a sense that the night (and winter) will never end and I’m kind of over it.
My “Winter Dreaming” writing project has kept me focused this season. It has helped me stay true to my intention to consistently connect with my creativity amidst my busy life. Trying to be intentional and living a creative life everyday helps me deepen my own mindfulness and awareness practice.
I dedicated one full day a week to writing in nature over the summer and fall of 2015 (see blog posts titled Plein Air Writing Project to follow that adventure). The results were generative and rich for me artistically and noticeable in my increased energy levels, reduced anxiousness and a return of a sense of meaning to my endeavors.
In this winter dreaming, my creative writing efforts have been more restful and introverted in tone. What I found inspiring in nature during its summer expression and fall exhalation, I now find in quiet contemplation and letting my mind wander and wind itself through the seemingly endless nights.
I’m learning a good lesson: When it is quiet, let it be quiet and wait.
This is the message of one my favorite books by Clarissa Pinkola Estes The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can
Never Die. It is a wonderful story about the possibilities born out of the quiet, empty, fallow times in our lives, which can either be experienced as deficient emptiness or rejuvenating space, and probably a mix of both. The cycle or rhythm of stillness is found on a macro level through seasonal changes and at a micro level each night as we sleep and wake. We can learn to trust nonactive states, knowing our energy for future endeavors is born here and will arise again and again. She says, “What is that which can never die? It is that faithful force that is born into us, that one that is greater than us, that calls new seed to the open and battered and barren places so that we can be re-sown. It is this force in its insistence, in its loyalty to us, in its love of us, in its most often mysterious ways, that is far greater, far more majestic and far more ancient than any heretofore ever known.”
If that is too right-brained for you, I’ve also found scientific evidence to support the benefit of focusing inward, of unstructured time spent in solitude. The book Wired to Create explores the creative mind. Authors Kaufman and Gregoire state, “Neuroscientists have discovered that solitary, inwardly focused reflection employs a different brain network than outwardly focused attention. When our mental focus is directed towards the outside world, the executive attention network is activated, while the imagination network is typically suppressed. This is why our best ideas don’t tend to arise when our attention is fully engaged on the outside world.”
So there it is— a scientifically proven, free ticket to slacking off a little bit, maybe a lot. A recent top 10 list of creativity enhancing activities includes: imaginative play, daydreaming, solitude, intuition, openness to experience, mindfulness and passion (feelings!).
During a recent “stay-cation” I had many small goals in mind; crocheting a hat, reading, going to yoga and meditating, cross-country skiing and preparing a few good meals. I had the fleeting thought the second day into my stay-cation that I should create a list of these activities so that I could efficiently get to them all. Luckily, I resisted this urge to be productive. I started the hat and unraveled it several times before I put it away. I read parts of many books. I skied a little bit a few times. I found that my meditation practice often ended in a nap and tried to stay compassionate with this rather than becoming frustrated.
There is something paradoxical and complex about our ability to be mindfully focused and to let the attention meander. Currently, I find I have to pull my awareness back from dream states often when I am in sitting meditation. Sleepiness is one of the five hindrances in meditation practice and I’ve been having a big dose of it. My remedy is to treat it as I would any other distraction; I label it (dreaming), apply compassion (it’s ok, you’re tired) and simply start noticing my breath again. Insight Meditation teacher Tara Brach encourages students of meditation to embrace obstacles or difficulties. I notice when I allow the sleepiness, it lightens a bit. This is how it is right now and so as Byron Katie suggests, I try to love what is!
Meditation Lessons I: Sleepiness
of this sleepy mind,
the instructing Lama says:
“keep your eyes open,
set your intention to be present”!
yellow walls and the smell of incense,
silence run over by traffic and rain,
until finally, the ending ring of the meditation bell.
I’m hesitant of this bareness
where even the winter branches
with their lingering red berries
under a microscope
become cells of water
then electrical impulses
and then nothing but the space in between
-Renee Podunovich, 2016