Oranges or Rain: Choices in Perspective

When it rains, it pours. Or so the saying goes. Life gives us too much sometimes. When it rains, I’ll go to the garden anyway. I’ll sit indoors at the Orangerie, a light filled space housing walls of plants and potted citrus trees and which is filled with the scent of Neroli from the orange blossoms.

In the rain, the fragrance garden smells divine. The bees sleep on petals, their business slowed by the cool, damp air. In the rain, an umbrella becomes a miracle of invention, colors saturate— the hues and shades are pop art. Light reflects on puddles and dances freely.

Today in the rain, I contemplate silver linings. Did you know that beyond its sharp, biting leaves, thistle flowers have the most amazing fragrance? Like this, is there meaning to our suffering? Is there an opportunity in crisis?

Famous psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl states, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms— to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” –Man’s Search for Meaning

He witnessed first hand the unusual and cruel circumstances of Nazi concentration camps, and describes how some people would still choose kindness, compassion, dignity. For example, giving away already inadequate rations to help someone perceived as worse off. They refused to be dehumanized by inhumane acts. They chose a different storyline than despair.

“But is there really any meaning or do we make it all up?” ask you postmodern thinkers. Creating narratives from the events of our lives, including finding meaning in hardship, is a defining feature of being human. Whether they are “true” or not, choosing what course that narrative takes, especially during difficult events, is empowering and shifts us away from hopelessness and despair. It is the choice that is empowering.

Resiliency means “to bounce back” and one way to do this is to keep finding a way back to what we do have control over: our thoughts, feelings and actions in any given circumstance.
I believe the silver lining in hardship IS our ability to find one. For example, I have been most open-hearted during times of immense grieving and clients tell me the same. Suddenly I am aware of the fragility of life, of another’s pain, or the delicate and fleeting beauty I may tend to overlook.
There are so many cliches about getting through bad times; what doesn’t kills you…, when life gives you lemons…, adversity is your friend, etc. These cognitive strategies are meant to keep us going. We can also ask, “Where do I have control? What can I change? What can I accept and let go?” And can all the rest of it just remain a mystery—unknown and fantastic?

Silver Thistle
when rain & wind
become a chill on skin,
leave the bees to sleep on purple thistle flowers
& go to the Orangerie
with its potted trees, blossoms & oranges.
the smell of Neroli fills the humid air—
let this fragrance console you.
Find that fragrance now.
Don’t settle for just an orange
with out considering the mystery
of waxy blooms that fill a space with joy.

-Renee Podunovich, 2015